Sunday, June 17, 2007
Laying Dad to Rest
Today is my fathers funeral, and we shall lay him to rest in St. Louis, Missouri. I have completed all the funeral arrangements.
It seems I only cry when I sing a song I wrote for him just before he died for fathers day. I cried a lot last week when he lay suffering in bed. My father cheated death so many times in his life that I was starting to think he was a cat. Still, his lives ran out and it was finally his time. Death is a reality that few of us want to face much less saying good bye forever to a father. My dad lived a full life, completed much, accomplished all his goals, and had a great time doing it. He was a loving, caring, generous, amazing person and he shall be missed. He was hard on me, but when I remember him, it makes me understand my strength. I was always sensitive concerning so many issues in life, but his training allowed me to grin and bear most challenges I have faced.
He was always my rock to lean on and the explananation for any phenomena that happened in the World.
As he lay dying, semi conscious it seemed as though he was trying to climb out of a hole, and after several attempts, he would just fold his hands and put them on his head as if to say, "Oh well."
I'm not sure what the repeated attempts maybe 100 in 2 days of him 'trying to climb' out means, but as my life passes perhaps it will become clear. I am thinking that because he was in so much pain, and that he knew his quality of life was gone, that he had experienced enough, and wanted out, hence the 'climbing out,' gestures over and over in the hospital.
My dad had a sense of humor that was bar none. No one in my life was funnier with wit and humor as Fred. No matter what happened, or how he treated you, no matter how you felt, the sarcasm always reigned to get a belly laugh at the end. He helped so many people in his life and taught so many of his friends relatives and co workers that his influence is huge. The World will be a different place today after 1pm, CDT, when he is laid to rest as the World will have to continue without Dad.
All my life I thought I would be ready for this moment when he would pass, but nothing can prepare you for the passage of a parent.
His song remains:
"Dad of Mine, Dad of Mine, Climb any mountain he could find, then one day he came my way so he could shine, so he could shine. His name was Fred, his wife named Bea, son named Farley, Daughter Melanie; then one day he came my way, so he could shine, so he could shine. Dad of Mine, Dad of Mine, climbed any mountain he could find, then one day he came my way, so he could shine, so he could shine...."
Rest in Peace Dad...
Love, Farley Malorrus